Car troubles

I love this on of me i was trying to act like a cop lol

this is in an alley... We loved these stairs

I wanted to kiss him....

Wow my car broke down Saturday... Me and my friend Jordan were spending the weekend together. We were down town paris texas and were taking pictures..

So we were having fun and hanging out. Then when we were on our way home my car got hot... It was the worse thing to happen to me. Well not literally. but anyways... I am havin to sit at home until my car gets fixed again....but here are some pictures of us having fun....

My future

Right now as i speak my sister Niki and best friend Jordan are dying my hair back brown. I can't stand being a red head anymore. I want to go back to my normal self before I started hanging out with Brandon again. I have completely changed. I don't like it anymore. I miss my girly girl ways. I am not going to be no punkrock chick anymore. I am going to be wearing my pink and high heels. I love my heels. They are my life. I am going to be focusing more on my school and my life. I am not looking for any boy to be by myside. I have officially deleted Brandon out of my phone and computer. He isn't coming back for me so there is no reason for waiting here and waiting for nothing. I am totally in love with him so it will be sometime for me to get over him. But that is a part of life and I am going to have to get over it. I am ready to make the past the past and start living in the future. My future holds so much for me. I am ready to be out there in the world...... I am so much in love with life right now..... Much love to everyone and goodnight.

Tara Renee Monholland

Today

Today was a very boring day. I just studied for a test that i have next week. I am so excited my best friend Jordan gets to come over to my house for the weekend. I think that we just need to stay around the house. Well we have a massage at 12:30 so i am going to get really relaxed. But anyways that is enough for today... Goodnight everyone. Much love...

Today...

Hey everyone. I think that everything happens for a reason. If i had to loose Brandon to make our relationship stronger (that's if we get back together) then so be it. I am for anything and everything to make our love stronger. Today i got contacts again. It has been a while since i had them. I think that i look better with them but anyways. I had a great day today. I know that i had a great day. Much love to everyone one... Hugs and Kisses...
Tara Renee Monholland

Hurricane Brandon....

Wow I realized that things can change in a matter of instance. I went from being that happiest girl alive to being depressed again. Last night i recieved a text message from Brandon saying that we needed to slow down. I was really confussed by is and he ended up tell me he was still in love with his ex. I know that they went out for 3 and a half years and had a baby. I can understand why he would still be attached a little. But to tell me things like "he loves me" and all this other stuff. It felt like he was just leading me on. But anyways, My biggest mistake was telling Jake Sims about this break up... Because he called Brandon and was yelling at him and everything. Now Brandon is going to change his number because of me... I know that i mess up a lot but this thing right here... I will never be able to forgive myself for. I already lost Brandon one time to Brittini a while ago.. I just go him back and had to loose him again... I have realized not to take things for granted. I had just gotten out of the depressed state when Brandon came back in the picture and what happened last night can drive me back into that mode. I know everyone tells me " you are a prettysmart, and have a good head on your shoulders", "there are more fish in the sea." But the funny thing is I want Brandon.... He isn't like all the other fish out there in that so called sea. But anyways I am getting ready to go back to school... Even tho I have an hour left to waste and Lord knows I don't need it to think because i didn't sleep at all last night and I am not kidding all I did was lay there. Well everyone else have a great day. I know that i am going to try to live today like it's my last. Going to try to make everyday that great. Love and hugs to everyone.
Tara Renee Monholland

Well I have been thinking...again.... I'm telling you I don't think it's good for me to be alone with no one to talk to. I think about anything and everything. I love Brandon to death. I am so glad that he is back in my life. He is the greatest thing that has ever happened to me. Its like he brings out the wild side in me. Well the punk rock girl inside me. I have changed completely since i started hanging out with him and dating him again. I like things with skulls on them now.. and i am starting to like rock music and i got piercing and getting a tattoo... I have thought about getting those things but when i am with Brandon he makes me actually want to get them. Which is weird. He is coming down next weekend to Dallas for a four day weekend. I am going to Dallas to because he wants me to come down and I really want to get to see him. The bad thing is i am going to be driving which I really don't know my way around Dallas at all. I have only been there like a couple of time. I have a huge fear of getting lost and being in a big city like Dallas makes me even more scared. But anyways.... All in all I am totally in love with Brandon... Well i will be back on later... I have to get ready my parents should be home sometime today and I have to go to Texarkana to give my sister some money. Hugs to everyone Hope y'all have a great day...

Tara Renne Monholland

Thinking...

Wow...Thinking can get me into a lot of trouble...

I have realized a lot of things in the past few months living out here with my mom..I have only but a few select "true friends"... I can name them all on one hand. Since I have moved to my mom's I was in this depression. Noone around me knew it but I was there. I had to go from a town where I knew everyone and thought I had friends to a complete strange place where I knew noone. My so called friends back home never wanted to hang out with me. I just thought that it was because I lived so far away but i was completely wrong. Everyone that i called my friends in high school only liked me because of my grades. They didn't really like me. I wasn't allowed to do anything at all in high school all i did was sit at home and watch my step brother's kids for free. I had no life. I couldn't spend the night anywhere when i was actually asked... The only places i went outside of school was athletic stuff and church. Not complaining on church because that is a big part in my life... When i moved down here it showed me how alone i was. I had noone to call when i needed someone to talk to.. When i started school there was 7 of us in the class. I was the one everyone picked on and of course it's all girls so it was mean things they were saying to me.. Of course at the time i couldnt take up for myself so i let the walk all over me. Then when i finally took up for myself they weren't really mean anymore. They are my friends but if i ever need anything i won't give them a call... No offense on them they are just my school friends... Totally different from me. they like to party and things like that I on the other hand like to study and hang out with my parents... I have come to realize that true friends are hard to come by and when you do find one... You need to keep them as close as you can before they get away... Wow this is really long. and I haven't even said all the things I wanted to say... Dang I'll just post it on tomorrows...

Hugs to everyone Hope you have a great day

Last day to be alone

Well today was the last day i had to stay by myself at the house. Let me tell you it has been a very long week full of nothing. I have cleaned slept and been on the computer nonstop for the past week. I think that my brain has been completely ruined. I just hope that it is the same when i have an intelligent conversation when i go back to school on Monday. I have recently changed a whole lot. I use to be this preppy girl who always had to look good anywhere she went. Now after Christmas i have changed into some kind of punk lol. I have gotten two piercing a total change in the style of my clothes. I have things that have skulls on it.

I have gotten a new friend in my life. Well it's my boyfriends mom and his little sister. They have talked to me everyday since i have hung out with them. They are very interesting. I love hanging with them and talking to them. They always have something good to say. Like his mom, She has helped me so much with trying to decide things on like my schooling and job wise. His little sister is great to hang out with she is younger than me but i really look up to her. She is so wise.

Well i guess that is all for today. I don't have a lot on my mind anymore just really tired of cleaning. Ready to go back to school and see the girls... Much love to everyone

Tara Renee' Monholland